Alas, the warmth of relationships is a matter of bygone era!
Unlike the cosmetic relationships as of now, in the pre-handset era till 1960s while I was in early teens, near & distant relatives knocked each other’s door without seeking confirmation from the host or even informing them. They took for granted, and rightfully so, a lien of sorts at any relative’s home, 24X7. Our Delhi-based family, liberal in extending hospitality to visitors, served several purposes of outstation visitors. So, we were witness to regular inflow of guests (read relatives).
Hospitable, since childhood: Arrival of guests at home was ever a pleasure to me on multiple counts. As customary, they usually came with sweets or other delicacies that relished me most among others in the family. Second, we could partake of the special meals prepared due to them. Third, their presence meant unspoken leniency, if not revocation of restrictions galore my strict disciplinarian father had laid. Fourthly, depending on relationship, some of them would offer a Rupee or two us when departing.
Guests landing with baggage: More exhilarating was surprise arrival of outstation relatives, from other cities or countryside, often with bed roll and metallic trunk. Guests (read relatives) were always welcome in our home, a family trait I gladly continue to carry on till late sixties now. Then, we had bright chances of outings: visit or revisit to places of interest, movies, markets or parks as a companion, escort or guide familiar with the city. It was indeed a period of festivities. After dinner, both parties intimately sharing their anecdotes, and discussing issues of mutual interest made it great. During the local trips the guests took our special care by offering us choicy titbits, toys or clothes not liberally encouraged in our middle-class family. Little did we realise that their extraneous generosity could be more a way to part compensate our family for their board & lodging on gratis than to observe formalities. Increased frequency of visitors or their longer stays meant more niceties, fun & frolic to us.
The seamy aspects, too: Rapport with guests had a seamy side too. A category of guests found our home as facilitating point for seeking treatment, appearing for interview, etc. in Delhi. Being elder brother, even otherwise, I gladly volunteered this duty. The better-known guests already had an inkling that father on essential duty, ready help shall be available in me. In the process I had the benefit of learning ways of visiting hospitals of various descriptions. In one case, staying closely much of time with a serious patient later diagnosed as TB, I also contracted the disease. At occasions I missed my studies but overworked later to make up.
Now, when wishing to visit a relative, my wife wants me to seek their clearance. I find the job rather upsetting, and persuade her to do it because the likely response, “We already have a programme fixed for today,” whether genuine or concocted may impinge on my ageing psyche.
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The unmodified version of this article was published on 20 May 2023 (Friday) in Deccan Herald with the title, ‘Bed and breakfast, Desi style’. Newspaper link– https://www.deccanherald.com/opinion/right-in-the-middle/bed-and-breakfast-desi-style-1220279.html
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In our Village visiting relatives and friends was spontaneous,assured of a genuine welcome.
After COVID things have changed. You are expected to call and confirm that it is convenient for the host. Visiting even close relatives has decreased drastically.