If only the sons could read his father’s mind!

The first ever letter I received from my methodical father was a sheer advisory. That was in 1980, when I left my parents and others in Delhi to join a new job in Bhopal. Landline phones were few and far between, and mobile phones we had just heard of. Exchange of letters was the prime modality of communication in that era.

As part of his thrifty life style, my father usually chose an inland letter rather than costlier sealable postal envelope. The nicely worded advisory had about a dozen of points in impressive handwriting, an additional attribute of his grand personality. Well known for his love for language and knack for discretely conveying his mature, categorical and positive views, his letters ever made the recipient to give second or subsequent readings. At first glance, the content stunned me as it bore striking resemblance to what Polonius, a character in Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’ impresses upon his son Laertes leaving home for Paris. Just two years ago I had read the play in English Honours course. My father’s advisory read: once financial transactions are set in, friendly relations shall sour for sure (the bard wrote, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be/ For loan oft loses both itself and friend”. Second advice – be judicious in your words, listen more but act after due consideration (compare with: “Give every man thy ear but few thy tongue”; “Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment”). The purpose of clothing, my father wrote, was to protect and cover the body from inclement weather and not to show off; it should be sober (“Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy/ But not expressed in fancy; rich but not gaudy”.

An additional prescription offered to me that Polonius probably missed though he must have in mind was to keep focus on how those earning less than you are enabled to lead his life well and not the more affluent ones. Imitation or rivalry can stretch one beyond means leading to tension and loss of mental peace, he wrote.

My father had not read Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’ in his graduation, yet fathers think alike, and share similar concerns of security and wellness about their offspring, something the latter does not fully understand, if at all they do. Ironically, by the time clarity emerges, it is generally too late. When performing Shradh rituals of my father recently, I determined to make amends for the lapse in not complying with his couple of precepts before history would repeat with my son.

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Published in Tribune India, 26 November 2019 in Edit page under the column, Musings with the title, ‘Fathers think alike: Care to listen’.

Link: https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/musings/fathers-think-alike-care-to-listen/866181.html

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