Due to poor vocabulary, not everyone is adept in proper use of words. Don’t go just by what she or he said. Try to understand the intention. Relations break, malice and enmities crop up when we take the words at their face value.
Sitting with my uncle in his electrical parts shop in downtown Delhi, a known dealer from same market came with request for fifty pieces of inductors. “No, I don’t have a single piece”, proclaimed the uncle. Ignoring what the uncle soberly said, the visitor groveled, “I direly need it, a long time customer is waiting in my shop; I know you alone can help!”
There was thawing of ‘No’ in uncle’s tone: “You don’t deserve it, you didn’t settle last three payments despite several reminders.” Admitting the lapse, the visiting dealer added, “Our own payments were held up; also huge funds were spent on younger brother’s treatment, entire market knows it.” After few more arguments, the dealer returned with the stuff he wanted, attesting that ‘No’ does not necessarily mean ‘No’ and may include ‘Yes’. Had he taken initial ‘No’ at face value, he would have returned empty-handed, for sure. What we are given to hear is half the truth. I recalled Tennyson: “Words like Nature half reveal and half conceal the soul within”.
Most children understand that an initial ‘no’ to their demand shall give way to ‘yes’ if pursued full-heartedly. So does a persistent lover in his pursuit of love, and usually emerges victor. Appears, words more often miscommunicate rather than conveying the intent. One may speak out what one does not mean for two reasons. One is the usually low vocabulary at one’s command; so one brings out whatever poor substitute comes to mind which is likely to be misread by the recipient. Second, in the heat of moment, any words occurring to mind are hurled instantly to down the other person. Certain time would have helped picking the best from the limited stock of words!
Recall a father flared up at being repeatedly blamed by his hostile son: “You want both of us to die forthwith!” The nonplussed son bursts out, “Yes, I do!” The arrow had been shot! Then onwards, the parent had a point, ever in ready, against the son, “He doesn’t want either of us to survive anymore; he himself said so. Ask him?”
The other day, I received a call from a relative to immediately appear, intervene and help settle the violent scene allegedly created by his wife. Without loss of time, as I reached, the lady yelled into tears, “It’s me who had been bearing with the man of this ilk all these thirty years; none else could, with a rascal of this sort! By now, it is too much; I can no longer bear it.” With my usual cool, I asked for a glass of water though didn’t really want it; then I reprimanded both the partners of ignoring the normal courtesy of asking me to be seated, and offered water. In an almost hour-long moderating monologue of sort interspersed with several examples, I passionately pleaded for avoiding any arguments, understanding one’s own self first rather than making other understand, and always remembering that our days are numbered, and so on.
I thanked God, the storm subsided. The lady went into kitchen and returned shortly with three cups of tea on one hand and plate with vegetables to be cooked in another.
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Published in Deccan Herald on 11 September 2020 under Right in the Middle column, edit page, with the title, Read the Intent. Link: https://www.deccanherald.com/opinion/right-in-the-middle/read-the-intent-885673.html
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