Relationship with your spouse, children, brother, sister, uncle or grandparents cannot be taken for granted. They shall last only if there a tinge of friendliness. Friendship, like any other relationship also requires continuous maintenance to remain live & vibrant.
‘Fiendship’ is a pious, ennobling term; a relationship that begins when two individuals with similar chemistry meet. And though it begins without an ulterior interest, with time it serves several vital interests of both. A friend has been compared with a tree that provides both shade and fruit. Friendship that begins with a vested interest is short-lived, and shall not sustain. Hindu scriptures compare a lasting friendship with Sun’s shadow after noon; in beginning it is too small but goes on lengthening progressively till end of day [read, till end of life].
Man is not just a physical entity, nor a robot. He has feelings and sensitivities; a heart that throbs. His intimate concerns, joys & sorrows, as also whims, must be unbossomed somewhere. Then only one can stay vibrant, fit and kicking. Else, one shall become mentally sick. Experts tell us that the burden of mental morbidity and disorders is rising at alarming rate globally. Already some 20 to 25 percent persons require treatment for mental illnesses. One without friends is susceptible to lonesomeness that triggers mental issues. “Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend”, said Robert Brault.
Mostly confined to our own self, spouse and children we prefer staying in our own shells. We interact with others and exchange courtesies not so much because of concern for other’s wellness as due to curiosity to know what others are about. The common question, “How are you?” is in real terms a misnomer, a substitute for “Hello”. A reply other than “I am fine” can put us in disarray.
There is a reflexive tendency in many persons not to divulge, let alone sharing with friends or others, the loomings within. Putting on the best façade is the norm. In choice between ‘appearing’ or ‘being’ descent, most would prefer former. Friendship flourishes in the soil of spontaneous, uninhibited exchange of thoughts and feelings. A true friend shall tell you when your face is dirty, the button of your shirt is broken, your shoes need polishing; he shall also persuade you to attend your sick father and cancel the outing. Loyalty, generosity and concern for others constitute the foundation of enduring friendly ties. One confined to interests of only self, or at most spouse and his children is disabled to have true friends.
With traditional family relationships steadily dissolving, one now banks more on friends that fulfil role similar to that of relatives. Unlike blood relationships, in friends one has freedom to choose. It is nature’s way of binding people outside blood relations. Only such family relationships endure that have tinge of friendliness.
The word ‘fiendship’ is one of the most profaned and abused in our time. Much beyond familiarity or company, it is symbiotic bonding of souls. Facebook friendship is travesty of this divine relationship. I wonder how one can manage many hundreds, even thousands; I flatter to name beyond a dozen! Hadn’t Facebook put a cap of 5,000 on number of friendship, many would have several thousands! You cannot carry on with many with fidelity, so wise persons have few friends. What actually matters in friendship is not numbers but depth. Several studies have shown that those with intimate friends lead a mentally & physically healthier, longer and happier life. They also have cordial relations with others.
Choice in friendship
Relations you don’t choose. Friends you can. We often hear about someone having lost all due to bad company. Is the company to be blamed? Was it not his own creation? Well, there are persons of all hues and descriptions in any locality. Looking at their ways, tastes, manners, demeanour, ambitions, and so on, we proceed accordingly. Here is a crucial moment, because once choice is exercised, reversal is too difficult.
Life is a journey of spiritually and intellectually enriching oneself. Pick the ones who have calibre atleast at par with, if not higher than yours, because you can receive something only from one who has it.
What happens when friends may part ways. Further, for a vibrant life, new friends need to be added on continuing basis, else one is at risk of remaining lonesome. And like any relationship, friendship also requires periodic maintenance and repair including new inputs, not necessarily of material nature. Life shall then be bliss.
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